Carpe Diem

It's been a while now since I last wrote. I haven't felt like writing for some time cause I was so muddled up. I was like a freak show trying to find where I fitted in. I was like a jigsaw that needed so desperately to conform, to find my place in the scenery of life. I wanted to be complete, to be a part of something so much bigger.

So I cut myself so many times, looking at where I could fit in. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. Somehow, my piece just wouldn't fit. Sometimes, life is more than just fitting in. Sometimes, life is a journey. Sometimes, it takes a little longer to find your place, but rather than conform and be unhappy, just keep looking. You'll know you've arrived when you're happy.

I went to Darwin last Monday for a performance there *hears lots of "wah(s)!". I was there for a week. And in that time, I forged a few new friendships that I know I will wanna keep for all the days of my life. Why were these friendships so important?

Sometimes, when you start getting close to where you belong, you start to recognise the scenery a lot more. The other pieces start to resemble you. I saw in these people facets of me.

They were people who resembled so much of who I really am, of what I really stand for. I suddenly knew what I wanted of this life. And for the first time, I suddenly knew what I needed to do to get it.

You see, for the longest time, I let society dictate my life, my happiness. I let the norms of mortality lead me. But I'm not normal. I've always known that. And somehow, I've always wanted to be like everyone else.

But I don't belong here, I belong somewhere else. And through these people, I saw who I really was. I knew what I wanted. For so long, I've been so miserable and confused. Cause I gave in and thought that I had to keep giving in to be happy.

But being happy is not about doing, its about being. I just have to be happy, not do things to make me happy.

So I know now, that no matter what, happiness is the most important thing. No matter what I do, even if the world thinks badly of me, as long as I'm happy, thats all that matters. Its better to be poor and happy, than rich and sad. Money can't buy happiness. I can live in a small house and take public transport and still be happy. Because life simply isn't abt the things you have, but the friendships that you make and the lives that you invest in.

I want to live. And I will. And I always want to be happy. And I will be. And for once, I won't let society dictate my life. No one will dictate my life. Only God has a right to. And in God I trust.

Carpe Diem my friends, Carpe Diem...