Ok, more like i got my laptop back. Yeah, thats right, lappie (my laptop's name... my nano's called nancy) was sick so i had to take him to customer service. The nice man over the counter said lappie had some bad sectors in his hard drive so it caused some discomfort to his wireless lan. He promised to send lappie back once they were done observing his condition.
So now, after a year, my wireless is finally working and so i guess i'll be blogging more *applause* Yes, yes, thank yew very much.
Well, i just got my unlimited wireless starhub account up and running and now i'm at the Mac Donald's at SunPlaza. It's a mins' walk away from my house and it's open 24 hours so i guess i'll be spending more time here (Supersize me anyone? Ah who cares, Lyn happens to think i'll never put on weight :P)
Pssst. you know what i just found out? *whispers* The cakes at the Coffee Bean at SunPlaza is half price everday after 6! Is that like great news or what man? *Feels the jealousy* I feel for you people....
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Happiness
Why is it everytime I seem to be starting to move on in my life, I seem to be dragged down all over again. Why can't I just live in happiness? And when I mean happiness, I mean the kind that lasts. Not the kind that comes for a while, that gives you hope, and then just flutters away and leaves you in a cauldron of mixed emotions.
Whats so hard? I just wanna be happy. For a long long time. I just wanna be happy for a looooooooonnng time. Sometimes, on my way home, when i look at the kids playing at the playground, i remember a time when nothing seemed to matter. As a kid, you never need to think so much. Even when you were sad, it would never last, and you just end up being happy.
*Sigh* I'm just so sick of this. Sometimes, I wonder whats the use of me being here. Not that I'm thinking of dying. But I do wonder whats my purpose here. So many questions, so little answers.
I know who I am in Christ. I know what He wants for me. I know the scripture. I know, I know, I KNOW! But I what I want to know is WHERE IS MY HAPPINESS? I want to be happy! Thats all Lord. I just want to be happy...
The pain is excruciating. I feel so lost. The melancholy has to stop. What have I done to deserve this? Where was my fault? Am I a bad person? Arrrrrghhhhh... Please stop this pain O'Lord. Please, I beg you. Haven't you tested me enough? I cannot take it any longer...
Just answer me I pray. Either rip out this hurting heart, or tear my spirit from this soul of despair. I would rather not have a heart, then have a heart in shreds.
But if you cannot, then turn my heart to stone. I would rather not feel. It is better to be numb. Then at least I can bleed and never feel the pain.
Listen to my cry.
Listen to my prayer.
Listen to my despair.
Listen Lord, can you hear it dripping?
It is the sound of a bleeding heart. Take me away. Bear me on your wings of love. It is better to be with you.
*Sigh* Oh desperate heart, why do you still choose to hope? See Oh Lord, see how this heart still clings on to you and the promises you have promised me. See how faithful this heart is? Does he hope in vain? Only you can answer that O' Lord.
Show Yourself strong, on behalf of those that are weak. Show Yourself mighty, on behalf of those that still hope on you.
"I will never leave you,
I will never forsake you,
I will never fail you..."
Great is your faithfulness O' Lord.
Whats so hard? I just wanna be happy. For a long long time. I just wanna be happy for a looooooooonnng time. Sometimes, on my way home, when i look at the kids playing at the playground, i remember a time when nothing seemed to matter. As a kid, you never need to think so much. Even when you were sad, it would never last, and you just end up being happy.
*Sigh* I'm just so sick of this. Sometimes, I wonder whats the use of me being here. Not that I'm thinking of dying. But I do wonder whats my purpose here. So many questions, so little answers.
I know who I am in Christ. I know what He wants for me. I know the scripture. I know, I know, I KNOW! But I what I want to know is WHERE IS MY HAPPINESS? I want to be happy! Thats all Lord. I just want to be happy...
The pain is excruciating. I feel so lost. The melancholy has to stop. What have I done to deserve this? Where was my fault? Am I a bad person? Arrrrrghhhhh... Please stop this pain O'Lord. Please, I beg you. Haven't you tested me enough? I cannot take it any longer...
Just answer me I pray. Either rip out this hurting heart, or tear my spirit from this soul of despair. I would rather not have a heart, then have a heart in shreds.
But if you cannot, then turn my heart to stone. I would rather not feel. It is better to be numb. Then at least I can bleed and never feel the pain.
Listen to my cry.
Listen to my prayer.
Listen to my despair.
Listen Lord, can you hear it dripping?
It is the sound of a bleeding heart. Take me away. Bear me on your wings of love. It is better to be with you.
*Sigh* Oh desperate heart, why do you still choose to hope? See Oh Lord, see how this heart still clings on to you and the promises you have promised me. See how faithful this heart is? Does he hope in vain? Only you can answer that O' Lord.
Show Yourself strong, on behalf of those that are weak. Show Yourself mighty, on behalf of those that still hope on you.
"I will never leave you,
I will never forsake you,
I will never fail you..."
Great is your faithfulness O' Lord.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Love (Part 1)
I haven't really touched on very personal stuff as yet, but today, I somehow feel compelled to write about someone very close to my heart, and she knows who she is.
Hmmm, where do I even start with her? We met when she was 14 and me? 19. We met at a friend's party. A friend who BTW, liked me. So we went to her party and fell in love. I remember that day like it was a fairytale, like some bollywood movie. I was sitting across the hall with my friends and for some reason, she walked from across the other side of the hall to where I was to get some tidbits. I was smitten.
What was it about her that attracted me so much? I still wonder till today what is it about her that attracts me to her. I do have some answers, but not all of them.
We seem to have this way of communicating with each other without words. Is it cause we've been together for 4 years? Could be, but even from the start, we could do this. Sometimes, we can just not talk for a long while and just look at each other and understand exactly what we're thinking. Dun ever put us together for charades, you'll lose big time.
Ok, she just came online and comfirmed what I just said. And I didn't even tell her what I was typing! We can even read each other's minds through the internet!
The one thing I really love about her is when she acts cute with me when she wants her way. I guess every girl does that, but somehow, she's the only one that gets away with it with me. Sonya tries, and she gets away with anyone, but not with me. I'll just stare at her like stone and she'll get angry and say, "It's not fair, it only doesn't work with you"
Sometimes, I ask myself how things got the way they are now. In a way, I know He is in some way responsible for this. Not in a bad way. It happened for a reason. I'm a better person today because of what happened. And in a way, I kinda know how'll it'll end up. But the journey there sucks. It's like taking a 6 hour drive to Disneyland with 10 people in a 5 seater car. And the air-con just blew! It's extremely frustrating, nauseating, bothersome, worrysome and disgruntling. *sigh*
Where she wants to be right now and where I want to be seem to be clashing. For someone I know better than anyone else in this world, it's interesting that I just don't understand some of the things she does or sayz. And yet, there are times that I do. I don't blame her for wnating to be where she is right now. In fact, I'll even respect her decisions. But on my part, it gets confusing.
1 Corinthians 14:33 - For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.
Confusion isn't the place where God wants me to be.
So I will hold my peace in Him. I will look not at the things of the world. I will stand firm in Him and His promises to me. I will get out of the driver's seat and let Him take over. And I will be with her, at the back, enjoying the ride.
And in no time, we'll be enjoying paradise...
Hmmm, where do I even start with her? We met when she was 14 and me? 19. We met at a friend's party. A friend who BTW, liked me. So we went to her party and fell in love. I remember that day like it was a fairytale, like some bollywood movie. I was sitting across the hall with my friends and for some reason, she walked from across the other side of the hall to where I was to get some tidbits. I was smitten.
What was it about her that attracted me so much? I still wonder till today what is it about her that attracts me to her. I do have some answers, but not all of them.
We seem to have this way of communicating with each other without words. Is it cause we've been together for 4 years? Could be, but even from the start, we could do this. Sometimes, we can just not talk for a long while and just look at each other and understand exactly what we're thinking. Dun ever put us together for charades, you'll lose big time.
Ok, she just came online and comfirmed what I just said. And I didn't even tell her what I was typing! We can even read each other's minds through the internet!
The one thing I really love about her is when she acts cute with me when she wants her way. I guess every girl does that, but somehow, she's the only one that gets away with it with me. Sonya tries, and she gets away with anyone, but not with me. I'll just stare at her like stone and she'll get angry and say, "It's not fair, it only doesn't work with you"
Sometimes, I ask myself how things got the way they are now. In a way, I know He is in some way responsible for this. Not in a bad way. It happened for a reason. I'm a better person today because of what happened. And in a way, I kinda know how'll it'll end up. But the journey there sucks. It's like taking a 6 hour drive to Disneyland with 10 people in a 5 seater car. And the air-con just blew! It's extremely frustrating, nauseating, bothersome, worrysome and disgruntling. *sigh*
Where she wants to be right now and where I want to be seem to be clashing. For someone I know better than anyone else in this world, it's interesting that I just don't understand some of the things she does or sayz. And yet, there are times that I do. I don't blame her for wnating to be where she is right now. In fact, I'll even respect her decisions. But on my part, it gets confusing.
1 Corinthians 14:33 - For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.
Confusion isn't the place where God wants me to be.
So I will hold my peace in Him. I will look not at the things of the world. I will stand firm in Him and His promises to me. I will get out of the driver's seat and let Him take over. And I will be with her, at the back, enjoying the ride.
And in no time, we'll be enjoying paradise...
Tuahs!
Okay, I know I haven't been updating for a long long time and thats because my sis has been hogging the comp (doing schoolwork she sayz). But before I update on the events of my life the last few dayz, I have a very important statement to make. I hate, absolutely hate being tuahed!
Meaning of Tuah? According to the Jayster Dictionary, 2005 edition, Tuah "is the act of ditching someone at the last min (or last few hours) after making plans with them".
I'll take it one step further. Tuah involves making extensive plans, you getting excited about it and going all out to organize it and everyone making plans before that or after that and just tells you at the last min that they have something else to do!
I mean, if
1. You had something to do in the first place, why commit to make plans that clash?
2. You made plans AFTER we had agreed to make plans first, then you show ABSOLUTELY NO regard for our plans.
3. You let the relevant parties know at the very last min, you have NO respect for the other ppl involved.
The common reaction of someone when they're told that they've tuah others?
" I didn't really say yes to comming"
Read the key words in italics. Didn't really say yes?
'Yes' is an absolute word.
'No' is an absolute word.
'Maybe' is in the grey.
I mean would I go to lenghths to plan something because you said "maybe we should do this?"
The common reaction after they're labelled a tuaher (someone who tuahs lah)? Or being blasted for doing it?
" Okay let's do this, but I'm not confirmed yet. I already said first ah, I'm not confirmed coming yet"
So we're back to square one. Nothing is confirmed, cause everyone is scared to commit. So in the end, what we have is shoddy plans and everyone doesn't really have a good time cause all we do is stand around deciding where to go and not ending up anywhere fun.
In the words of Winnie the Pooh, " Oh bother..."
Meaning of Tuah? According to the Jayster Dictionary, 2005 edition, Tuah "is the act of ditching someone at the last min (or last few hours) after making plans with them".
I'll take it one step further. Tuah involves making extensive plans, you getting excited about it and going all out to organize it and everyone making plans before that or after that and just tells you at the last min that they have something else to do!
I mean, if
1. You had something to do in the first place, why commit to make plans that clash?
2. You made plans AFTER we had agreed to make plans first, then you show ABSOLUTELY NO regard for our plans.
3. You let the relevant parties know at the very last min, you have NO respect for the other ppl involved.
The common reaction of someone when they're told that they've tuah others?
" I didn't really say yes to comming"
Read the key words in italics. Didn't really say yes?
'Yes' is an absolute word.
'No' is an absolute word.
'Maybe' is in the grey.
I mean would I go to lenghths to plan something because you said "maybe we should do this?"
The common reaction after they're labelled a tuaher (someone who tuahs lah)? Or being blasted for doing it?
" Okay let's do this, but I'm not confirmed yet. I already said first ah, I'm not confirmed coming yet"
So we're back to square one. Nothing is confirmed, cause everyone is scared to commit. So in the end, what we have is shoddy plans and everyone doesn't really have a good time cause all we do is stand around deciding where to go and not ending up anywhere fun.
In the words of Winnie the Pooh, " Oh bother..."
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