Ecstasy

What is it about dancing that allows me a this sense of eternal bliss? I feel freedom. I feel light. I feel happiness. I feel like everything is going to be okay, that everything is gonna be alright.

I went to a friend's wedding tonight. We danced the night away, and I loved every single minute of it. It feels like ol times again. Like when I was a teenager (gosh, that was 4 years ago!) and with boundless energy, we used to dance to every song like there was no tomorrow. People find their ecstasy in alcohol, I've found mine in dancing. I get high just dancing. I just absolutely love it.

I haven't danced like this in ages. I'd forgotten how to actually. I'd forgotten how much I actually love dancing. But I danced today, and then suddenly, I found myself again.

Buahahahahahahahaha...

Math

I was in Math class at the beginning of sec 2 when I came up with this statement. We were doing up our Math files and to give our files some personality, our Math teacher encouraged us to decorate them.

I was never really good in Art so I got a friend to do up my file for me. He asked me what I wanted on it. So I sat and thought abt it and then I came up with the statement. 'Life is like Math, You always have to solve problems'

So is life like Math? In a certain sense, it is. Problems are circumstances that can either mould you, or destroy you. The problem with life (no pun intended) is that unlike math, life teaches through Experience. And Experience is a harsh teacher. She gives you the exam first, then teaches you the lesson later.

For a very long time now, I've been mulling over a problem. An area (again, no pun intended) of my life that just doesn't seem to make sense. I've tried various ways to solve it. It's like cracking the code of a vault that I know holds treasures.

It's like destiny, I'm meant to have it, but I need some breakthrough. Sometimes, I get a ray of light from this moronic vault, and just when I think I have it, it closes shut again. It's as if for some reason, it's enjoying my utter frustration.

It's the end of the year exams. I'm sitting for my Math paper. There's this 10 mark question that I've been mulling over for quite some time now. In frustration, I slam down my pen. I've had enough of this. I look up and see my Math teacher looking at me from afar. Then I remember her words. "If you can't do a sum, don't waste too much time on it. Skip the ones you're stuck at, and carry on to the ones you do know."

In reality, there are many vaults that contain 10 marks in them. But sometimes, we just need to move on to the other vaults, cause the other vaults add up to 90 marks. I may not get this vault, but I can still get the distiction, if I learn to move on to the other parts. Besides, if there's time left, then I can always get back to the problematic vault. Sometimes, winning the war is more important than winning the battle.

I cannot mull over this problem any longer. It's no longer my problem. I'm giving it to God. I'm not going to fight this battle anymore. It's God's problem now. I need to move on. There are other areas that require attention....

There once was a cat who was told that its happiness was its tail. So the cat tried to catch the tail and the more he chased, the more it eluded him. So after a long time, he got fed up and didn't care abt it anymore. Then he found that as he walked away, the tail (his happiness) followed him...

*meow*

MasterCard Moment

Christmas Lights At Orchard Road : $2 000 000
DKNY Shirt : $200+
Cans of Spray Foam : $10
Getting Sprayed by a Bunch of Banglas on My DKNY : Costly, very costly
Whipping Out My Cans and Spraying Them So Bad They Can't Even See Where There're Going : PRICELESS!

Peace

Here I am at home.

Typing away at my laptop.

Listening to "fix you" by coldplay.

I need the adrenaline rush.

But all I hear is the quite hush.

All my friends are out today. They're all clubbing. Here I am at home.

Why didn't I go? Work commitments?

Sometimes, I feel left out. Sometimes, I feel like I'm missing out.
Then I remember. I'm missing the smoke. I'm missing the music. I'm missing the dancing. I'm missing the restlessness. I'm missing the alcohol. Copious amounts of it. I'm missing the piss. I'm missing the vomit and the verbal diarrhea. I miss all the shadiness.

Then I remember...
I miss nothing...

Here I am at home.
Typing away at my laptop.
Listening to "Clocks" by Coldplay.
I need the adrenaline rush.
But all I hear is the quite hush.
All my friends are out today. They're all clubbing.
I've found my peace.
I've found my happiness.
Pain is relative. Remember that.
Happiness is relative. Remember that.
And I'm happy. Finally. Remember that...

God is so Good!

Okay, I HAVE to thank God for being so good to me!

On Saturday, I had 3 shows (bhangra people, bhangra) so I had to rush from one to the other. We finished up the 2nd show and reached the 3rd one at 9pm only to be told that our number was to come on at 10! Seriously, after dancing at 2 locations already, I was more than ready to call it quits and just dump the show. However, the show organiser was someone I had collaborated with for the Chingay Procession this year. So I decided to talk to him to ask him to push our show to an earlier timeslot. He was very unwilling however. In a split second, I turned to Raju who was beside me and said, "OK, I'm gonna ask God for favour."

The organiser then looked at me a second time and said, "OK fine, you perform NOW"

Wow, if this isn't the favour of God, then I dunno what is. Thank you Father :)

Great Expectations

Was talking to a really close friend the other day and she was telling me about a conversation she had with another friend. In that conversation, her friend had said that it was better to not have expectations of anyone, cause then you'll never get upset when that someone doesn't live up to those expectations.

To which my friend replied that it's simply not possible not to have expectations of anyone. Especially those who are closest to you.

Now, the first argument in theory is a great idea. Dun have expectations of anyone. You won't be hurt when that someone doesn't live up to those expectations.

But personally, I really dun think that is humanly possible. Children expect to be loved by their parents. Husbands expect respect from their wives. And God expects us to be good.

I mean, let's face the truth, whether we like it or not, all of us are great expectors (word made up by me). You wouldn't naturally expect anything from a newly found friend. But when that friend becomes close, you would naturally expect from that friend wouldn't you?

So maybe, just maybe, the problem that we have is having great expectations of someone. And when that someone doesn't live up to those high standards, we tend to get dissapointed, disgruntled and irritated.

So is it true that when I love someone more, I expect more from that loved one? Are my expectations greater because my love is greater? Think about the people that you respect in your life. Respect is a form of Love. You only respect those you love, and you only love those you respect.

Maybe sometimes, I think I need to look at myself, and ask myself if I can live up to those expectations that I set on others. And if I can, then maybe I should accord some grace and be merciful. Afterall, these are my loved ones. If I cannot accord grace, then who will?

For God was gracious to me, a sinner.
I never lived up to His expectations.
But He still loved me anyway...

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...
The courage to change the things I can...
And wisdom to know the difference...