In Pursuit Of... (Part 1)

Okay, so i was having a pretty bad day. Was. Past tense.

Ever since i came back from Darwin, i've been in the pursuit of happiness. Whatever made me happy, i indulged in. I told myself when i was there that that was what i was going to do. Like i said in my earlier blog, i had been miserable for the last 2 years that it started to become normal for me to be miserable. You just start to think that thats a part of who you are, being miserable.

But when i was in Darwin, i was happy. Not just for a day, or a few hours, but for a whole week. You must be thinking now, a whole week? Thats it? A whole week of being happy made you realise so much?

I've not been happy for a WHOLE week in ages okay? So SUE ME!!! It's a big deal. No phone calls, no work, no issues to solve, no s***!

But that isn't what life is about Jay. Life will have its struggles. Life will have its good times, and bad times. Of course you had fun there, it was like a holiday, but you need to come back down to reality.

Fact of the matter is, i am living in reality. I'm going to live my life like i'm on vacation. I mean sure i have to work, but why be a slave to money? I should work in a place that makes me wanna get up and say, "yay, i can't wait to go to work!" Why can't i look at an issue and say, "well, life is like a box of chocolates, you never know whatcha gonna get"

i just told R today that i never wanna grow up. Being child-ish is one thing, but to be child-like is another. Ask a kid what he/she wants to be, and they'll tell you, "A doctor, an actor, a scientist, chicken little..." Have they studied enough to be a doctor or a scientist? Have they aquired any skills in acting? Do they have the ability to fly or do the chicken little dance? Yet they have the facinating ability to live beyond their abilities. They have that one skill that we adults seem to have forgotten. They have the ability to dream. And you know what? Growing up sucks! Cause growing up destroys dreams.

Who says you can't be whatever you want to be? Who says you have to struggle to survive? Who says you need money to enjoy life? I'm telling you now, all that is a load of BULL!!!

Forgive me for my language, but i dun really care for what anybody thinks of me anymore. You know, for so long, i've cared abt what the world thinks of me. But come a lil closer and i'll let you in on a lil secret... You can do all the right things in the world, but you will still be judged. So you know what, do whatever makes you happy.

And so thats what i'm going to do. I'm not going to grow up. I'm gonna keep dreaming. I'll be whatever i wanna be, and i'll do whatever i wanna do.

BTW, i wanna be an actor, a teacher, a rock star, spiderman...