Jesus, please don't pass me by

The sun charges up the mountain of the sky. The morning train rumbles through the station. The eternal routines of life sets in. I need something new this morning. I can't pray. I don't need another ritual. My dehydrated heart sends desperate signals. Waves of worry. Hopelessness. Resentment. Irritability. I need a drink.

This morning, my heart is troubled. I need answers. I'm flustered, disgruntled, and annoyed at anyone that gets in my way. "This isn't me," I tell myself. "I know I'm better than that."

I know I need Him. But I can't pray. I need answers today. But I'm not getting any. I know He won't talk to me when I'm like this. He talks to me when I'm resting, when I'm drinking in His love. When I'm swallowing His word. But I can't.

I take out my music player. I'm desperate now. The lyrics start to seep in.

"My heart it longs
My soul it thirsts for more
For more of You"

I've heard this song a million times before. But today its different.

"I'm reaching out
I'm waiting here for more
For more of You"

"Cause all I want is You
And all I need is to be here with You"

I'm paying attention now. Suddenly this song is singing my anthem.

"I'm hungry for Your fire
I'm desperate, You're my one desire
Jesus, please dont pass me by"

"I need You more than ever
I'm thirsty for a touch from Heaven
Jesus, please don't pass me by"

This is my heart's cry. I'm thristy. I'm hungry. I need you Lord. Where are you? What are you doing? Don't just dismiss me. If you're coming by my way, don't pass me by Lord. Suddenly I feel like the two blind beggers who "were sitting by the roadside, and when they heard that Jesus was going by, they shouted, 'Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!' (Matthew 20:30)

The song continues to echo my sentiments. It simmers into the bridge now.

"Don't pass me by Lord
I'm desperate for You"

Then my heart, filled with religiosity, questions the underlying message. "Why would God ever leave you? What a stupid song, why would Jesus pass you by? Why are you calling out to Him?"

Its the essence of the song. Yes, He will 'never leave me nor forsake me' (Deuteronomy 31:6).
Yes I know that 'When I pass through the waters, He will be with me, and when I pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over me. That when I walk through the fire, I will not be burned. That the flames will not set me ablaze.' Isaiah 43:2

But today is not about knowing...
Today is not about doing...
Today is not about praying...

Today is about lying down in green pastures...
Today is about reaching out to an eternal God...
Today is about drinking in His love...

And like those blind men, I'm found lacking. I'm found wanting. I'm found thirsty. And I need Him. And the Lord is passing by. Am I going to let Him go?

This time, I'm reaching out. Jesus, please don't pass me by. 'I'm hungry for Your fire
I'm desperate, You're my one desire'. 'I need You more than ever, I'm thirsty for a touch from Heaven'. Jesus, please don't pass me by...

'The crowd rebuked them (the blind beggers) and told them to be quiet, but they shouted all the louder, "Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!" Jesus stopped and called them. "What do you want me to do for you?" he asked.

"Lord," they answered, "we want our sight."' (Matthew 20:31-33)

Then comes my favourite part...

'Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him.' (Matthew 20:34)

And I got my answer...

"...If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." John 7:37-38

Like what water does to my body, He does for my soul. He trickles down the throat of my soul, flushing out my anxiety, my pains, my insecurities. My heart is moist again. My soul is calmed again. I called out to Him. And Jesus had compassion.



"When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:21-26